36 Things I Learned This Year.

The hard way, or by gentle reminders.

1. Love conquers all. It conquers fears of the unknown, when you love the possibilities. It conquers pain, when you love the tears healing you. It conquers anger, when you love the underlying desires.

2. Love is not enough. It needs friends: Commitment. Compatibility. Care. An open mind. Discipline. A Growth Mindset.

3. You can’t rush healing. Sometimes it takes days. Sometimes weeks. Sometimes months. And every time you think you’re “there”, you need to heal some more. And that’s OK. Give yourself the time to heal. Don’t tuck it away in a box, only to let the pain fester and rot. Let it out. As long as it takes to fully, completely, deeply heal.

4. Pause until you are ready. Take a five minute coffee break before a meeting. Tune in with yourself before a difficult conversation. Dance to a great tune before a date. Or even take months of Pressing The Pause Button, so you can heal, and feel absolutely ready to Start Again.

5. Passion always comes back. In my burn-out season, I felt utter despair when I lost my passion and drive. I felt numb, running on an empty battery, scared I would never feel like myself again. But I promise you, your energy comes back. Your passion comes back. YOU come back to life. It just takes a f*cking long time. But you WILL come back to life. Trust me.

6. Loss (of anything or anyone) is not the end of your world. It’s a new chapter starting. As much as it hurts, as much as you need to cry, as much as you want to distract yourself with other projects… Loss is not the end. It might be a painful lesson, but a valuable one. You can start fresh. It’s a new chapter. You’ll come out wiser. More compassionate, because now you know this pain. You’ll come out on your Next Level. Even involuntarily, you’ll have levelled up.

7. Mourning comes in waves. And they can come crashing, destroying everything in their path. Until you accept that mourning is like the sea, you’ll try to fight it and keep tumbling over. Ride the waves instead, rebuild the damage, have the ugly crying, write the letters they will never read anymore, embrace the time you had together, and surf again.

8. Burn-out is not always work-related. The world is finally realising this. Absolutely, you can burn out from personal challenges. As soon as you accept that, you can start healing. Don’t feel the need to explain yourself to anyone. Just take the time you need to heal and feel like yourself again.

9. Nothing is forever. Sometimes, it’s simply a wonderful chapter in your life. Like the trip of a lifetime. Make a (mental) photo album of the beautiful memories, and let go of the rest. Cherish the good parts. Value the lessons you learned. Start writing your next chapter.

10. You are stronger than you think. You might only discover this in your darkest moments, but you are. You are powerful beyond measure!

11. Children know what’s best for a happy life. Play. Be in the present. Eat ice cream every day. Indulge. Create your own stories. Hug, and then come running back for another one. And one more. Wave bye bye. Smile at everyone you like. Change your mind whenever you feel like it. Say no. Often. Cry when you are hurt. Make your own presents. Ask for everything you want, and expect to get it all. Even if you need help from a Saint (Nicholas). Make every daily errand an adventure. Applaud yourself. Run towards people you love. Ride your bike. Fast. Question everything you hear. Why? Absorb the world around you. Try to understand everything. Love. Unconditionally.

12. Your gut feeling is always right. Maybe you’re not hearing it – yet. Maybe you’re scared to follow it’s advice. Maybe you don’t trust it. But it’s always right. If something feels off, it’s because it is. Just learn the difference between your intuition, and your fear-mongering mind. Intuition is never scared. It might warn you, but when you feel scared, angry or even insecure, that’s your mind talking. Your intuition feels like a “knowing”. Trust it.

13. Take care of your heart. Run. Work out. Get your heart rate up. But also: protect it. Say goodbye to back stabbers and heart breakers. Let it heal. Let a fierce dragon live in your heart. But open the door again. Open up your heart to love again.

14. Give love, even when the other person can’t embrace it. Don’t buy into this social media nonsens of “I’m just matching your energy”. Always act from love and kindness. Take the high road. Give love. Don’t stoop to a lower level just because the other person does. Wish them the best, with love. If they argue with that, that’s their pain talking. Keep coming from a place of love. It will keep your character intact.

15. FU money can save your life. This is the Emergency Fund you’ve built, or The Stash, or The Money Pillow – however you want to call it. It can buy you time. To heal, or to rest. It gives you the option to walk away. From a toxic boss or a bad relationship. It gives you options. To start a business. Again. To change your life. To start writing. Whether that’s a book, a new chapter in life, or a post like this one.

16. People really have their own lens through which they see the world. You might know this, intellectually you understand this. But once you SEE this, you can never unsee it. It gives you the freedom to let them be. To not let their idea of the world, hurt you. It makes it easier to walk away.

17. You can’t convince others. They have to convince themselves. Just like you can’t change anyone, you can’t convince them. We are all telling ourselves stories. About who we are. About the world. About how things “should be”. You can’t convince someone else that their story isn’t working for them. Focus instead on identifying the stories YOU might have, that are working against you. And change those. You might just inspire someone else to do the same.

18. Investing makes all the difference. You might not believe this if you just started investing. Growth can be slow in the beginning. But after 10 years, it’s hard to ignore this fact anymore. It makes all the difference. Just look up any investment calculator, and see how much your savings could grow if you only started investing them. Take care of your future self too. Then, you can totally live in the moment.

19. Learn to ask for help. The people you least expect, might show up to do the hardest tasks, just to help you out. Many more people will show up, in ways you never expected them. You’ll meet your real friends. Especially pay attention to how they behave after they’ve helped you…

20. Learn to accept help. You might be overwhelmed with how much people are willing to do for you, when you ask for help. That’s OK. Allow them to help you. It’s fine to feel overwhelmed. Guilty even. It’s OK. Let them help you. They want to. You would want to help them as well, if they asked you. So let them.

21. Let go. Probably the hardest lesson in life. I definitely haven’t fully mastered this yet. But let go. Sing the Frozen song on repeat. Focus on what brings you Joy. Take a deep breath, and Let. It. Go.

22. First impressions matter more than you want to admit. And not just in dating. We so often fight this concept. But I’m sorry to tell you: our brains have not evolved as quickly as our technology has. We still judge a book by the cover. It’s only human. You might be very conscious about this, and try not to judge. But most people do. So use it to your advantage. Dress for the occasion. Smile when you meet someone new. Be respectful. Always.

23. Experiment. Try new things. Embrace the cringy moments when you are a beginner. Be bad at something. Don’t be scared to make a mess. You can always clean up. You learn so much along the way. You find teachers. It will enrich your life.

24. Play. Like a child. Gamify your goals. Do the somersaults in the pool. Play in the bedroom. Try a handstand on the beach. Gain experience points and unlock new levels of enjoyment.

25. Take more time off. My best ideas came when I was not sitting at my laptop. They came while I was on a retreat in nature. They came while I was having coffee with a friend. They came while I was meditating. They came while I was playing with my son. They came while I was reading a book.

26. Paw Patrol can actually teach you marketing. As a parent, you might get annoyed at how formulaic most children’s shows are. But this is actually a great retention strategy: it’s recognisable, and always new enough to spark curiosity. It’s colourful, cute, and all about helping others. I’m not saying your brand should be cute or even colourful, but it should be about helping people. You might learn a thing or two from those puppies.

27. People are much more generous than you expect. With more than just their help. They will listen to your concerns. They will take you where you want to go. They will bring you food. They will make coffee and talk. They will share their knowledge. So whenever you feel like the world is a dark place, look at the small gestures people around you are making. Look at the small acts of kindness. It’s there. It just never makes the news. But it’s there.

28. The coolest people might just live next door. In our global, interconnected world, we look for our communities and connections in far away places. I started asking advice from people in New Zealand, Taiwan, and the US of course. But then, as I was greeting my new neighbours, they turned out to be amazingly interesting people. Literally living next door. So, I’m embracing both more now: my local connections, and my global friends.

29. Don’t be scared of death. A friend fighting the Big C confronted us both (and everyone around her) with the shortness of life, and how precarious our health actually is. So make every day a day well lived. Build a dream. Take small steps every day. So you can feel peace, that even if you would die sooner than expected, you were building something your care about. You were loving. You were present. You LIVED.

30. Live as if life is short. Because it is. But life can be long, if you know how to live it well. Read Seneca’s On The Shortness Of Life if you want to dive deeper into this concept.

31. Plan as if you could be 120 years old.

32. Connection is everything. In love, connection is the one thing you can’t fake, build or destroy. In business, connect with your right audience. In life, be present and really connect with the people you meet.

33. Just f*cking do it. Just call. Just share your story. Just start. Just have the difficult conversation. Just kiss. Just tell your friends how much you love them. Just do it.

34. The number on the scale is just a number. How you feel in your body is the only thing that matters. I feel stronger than I have in years, and yes, those muscles moved the needle up quite significantly. But you couldn’t tell if you saw me. So hey, f*ck that number on the scale. How do you FEEL in your body?

35. It’s a numbers’ game. In business. In investing. In dating. In gardening even. It’s a numbers’ game. The more chances you take, the more you increase your “Surface Level Of Luck”. You’ll catch more lucky breaks if you sow more. More clients. More capital gains. More dates. More flowers.

36. I’m happy. Not simply “content”, but deeply grateful and happy for all the love, passion, drive, people, art, money, safety, food, beauty, … in my life. Really happy.

Happy, and curious to discover what’s coming in year 37.

Excited about the future. Striving, because of course, I still have desires, ambitions and dreams.

But today, I’m mostly grateful.

So thank you, for being here with me.
For reading this entire post.
For everything you are.

Thank you!

Here’s to many more years, for both of us.

Cheers!